Natural Roots and Baby Bipolar Fixes

I want to be this woman in the picture. Right here right now. When it’s your 3rd pregnancy you feel brave like a rebel and want to throw away the baby books of boredom and take the pregnancy into another exciting level. At least that’s how I feel. The first trimester had me worried I am not going to lie. Now being in my 2nd trimester I can relax a little. The doctor called me yesterday letting me know I no longer had a blood disorder so no blood thinner injections yay! My antibody little c is also very low so no worries there right now yay again!Still high risk for preterm labor but so far so freakin good.

Now I have been doing a lot of thinking with baby number 3. I have always been a free thinker when it comes to raising kids. I did a radical teaching method with my girls at one point called Unschooling. I always gave my girls choices. If they wanted public school they went. It soon came to a point where they and I were done with public for many reasons and they continued education online through internet academy’s taught all through the computer. Where am I getting with all this? Cloth diapers. I have decided after much research I am gonna try cloth diapers with my boy. I really wished I would have done this with my girls. I think even I was to scared to do this. I found some very good sites and learning all I can on the matter.

Which leads me to next big thing on my Natural baby raising list. Breastfeeding which I swore I would never do and actually couldn’t do because of being on blood thinners that would go into my milk supply. If everything stays safe and on the clear, I feel I would  try this. I am reading as much as I can as I know nothing about this subject.

Now I can’t stop reading and filling my time with these new subjects. I am actually getting excited now as I feel I am headed into new territory. This is also helping me deal and cope with the baby bipolar blues I had been feeling. Keeping your brain active and clean makes everyday feel more easier to deal with. Since I am not on any medication it’s all about taking deep breaths, indulging in your favorite past times, and learning about new things. I really like the idea of safe tea drinking, burning incense and candles, dabbing essential oils, and writing away my thoughts…

Let’s get one thing strait, I hate labels. I never considered myself to fit into one sweet little box. I hold a vast mix of colors I like to paint with everyday. I love combination. I love taking my dark hallow self and splashing it with hippie gypsy soul, 80’s music and tribal boots that dance along Sedona red rock mountains. If you stumble across this blog and think the vibe is one feeling, it’s not. It ‘s a mix of my likes. It travels into different directions but then meets in the middle to blossom into something cool. You never know what surprise might hit you. I thrive like this.

Mommy Sweet Pumpkin

It was easy waking up this morning to more crisp air flowing through the windows. Is fall finally here in Phoenix ? Maybe it knew today was the 31st. A high of 86 today, that is pretty sweet considering the heat wave. I whipped up a batch of sugar Halloween cookies yummy…turned on some spooky music while whipping them out…my sister sat alongside carving some crazy difficult pumpkin into a Phoenix Cardinals logo for our dad…things were festive until she placed some cinnamon pumpkin seeds into the oven to bake and they started smoking. The place now smells like burnt pumpkin instead of baked cookies and simmering salted caramel cinnamon I had atop the stove. Lol oh my little sis your so cute., that would have to happen. I love you anyways. These are our good times.

 

 

For old times sake we will be watching some old classics from when we were kids yay! A Garfield Halloween and of course The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. Love going back in time to a place when we enjoyed all these little things…We also have some clouds rolling in perfect timing lets hope it storms tonight.

Well I just wanted to give a little hi to everyone’s day, I hope everyone stays safe and sound, and you enjoy your traditions tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

A Revamp, Shoe Search, and Fall

It’s still hot 98 degrees again today, but I decided no more hot thinking for me. Instead I will pray for cold and imagine crisp fall air! I have been on Pinterest like a mad woman today. What would I do without it?? So much eye candy. I got so excited today that I wanted to make an autumn body scrub. Found so many online. I make my own, but love to get ideas. I make a awesome coffee scrub my friends would beg for me to make batches for them…hmm business idea? Add to my list of small business wishes.

Found a great list from ModernHippieHousewife, Since I have been on this natural health kick since yesterday, I am addicted to finding all I can on the matter…Check her out.

Which leads me to shoes..My foot has already grown and I am only 4 months pregnant!!! I am very picky with shoes. I look for unique beat up worn in boots in the winter time. Or the ones up above that have my name written all over it paired with ripped jeans. It’s crazy how much the body changes. To make myself feel better I bought a bunch of new make-up and rubbed my face in coconut oil.

 

I found inspiration in these two pictures. My love for light and dark. I love morbid. I love colorful gypsy type gear. Beautiful. I think it’s important to carry both. They balance each other well. Bipolar is like this. No in between. For me I carry a lot of shades. I swirl them all together. I come up with a vibe when I am done. I usually like it.

I revamped a little and created a new banner. I felt like I needed more. A blog is like your home. You want to make it as cozy as possible, and of course inspiring. I have sooooo many projects. I am just now catching up. My depressive states throw me off for awhile, and when I awake from an ugly slumber, I am vivid with brilliant ideas and peace in my heart. I am still going to work on the diy maternity. Feeling each piece. Wanting it to feel just right. Enjoy the rest of your Friday. I might venture to Sedona again tomorrow. Never know where the journey leads you. Wild and Free.

Pieces Of Pregnant Satisfaction

Where was I this past Tuesday? In my realm. A place I just wrote I needed to breathe to give me life! It was about 12:00 pm on Tuesday when I get a all from my guy asking if I wanted to go with him for the drive to Sedona, Flagstaff, Prescott Az. He had some work related stuff he he had to do up in these beautiful places. Of course I said yes even if it was just for the rest of the day. The drive was beautiful the leaves were fall colored, I was beyond calm and in another zone. I didn’t want to come back. I got sad as we left got back to Phoenix around 10:00 that night. Still it fed my soul and left me satisfied.

I came back a little more refreshed. Had another ultrasound yesterday. Being high risk means more pics of my little man. This is my fave pic yet..looks like he’s singing into his fake microphone. I really hope this kid is a clown. I want a funny, ham of boy. I already feel he is. So we already came up with a name. I picked Jace. I scoured the internet looking for rebel bad boy names. Came across this one, I had never heard of it before. It’s short and starts with a “J” like mommies name. That did it for me. Milan pronounced Me-Lawn, was picked by daddy. Sounded awesome exotic to me. My guy is half Columbian half German. So it sounds like something he would pick. I loved it. It was easier coming up with a boy’s name. I have 2 girls their names are Caprice and Alexa. Caprice I had picked since before she was born. But Alexa was many different names before I settled. To much to choose from.

So I am now messing around with Baby boy’s theme. I like Batman, thought how cute to have this as a theme, plus he can grow into it. The depression has passed for now,and I am taking advantage of enjoying these moments. I have a feeling big changes are going to happen soon. Good ones. Hopefully another move..up to the mountains. Lots of plans. Everyday that goes by I am thankful. I have also given a lot of thought to natural healing of my mind lately since I am off medication. What can it hurt? Here are some ideas I had into the Natural mom hippie pregnancy movement.

1. Aromatherapy
2. Safe tea drinking (dr. approved)
3.  Henna for hair and body
4.  Mindfullness

These are just some. I am actually pretty familiar with all of this. I have practiced natural and western practice on and off for years. I mean taking my Prozac alongside herbal teas and organic living. I never gave myself fully to one way. But now I feel I should embrace one for my mind body and soul. I do know in my situation I need to follow doctors orders. I can’t swear off all my blood testing or take something without talking to my doctor about it first. However I am about to go on another journey to attach myself to.

This will be fun. I will keep you posted on my experiment. I am hoping by keeping myself occupied and indulged that this will keep my mind in a better place. Any other Hippie Mommies out there who live in this interesting beautiful way?? I would love to hear from you. My next obsession now is looking for some cool sites on these topics. Much Love.

Monday Melancholy

 

I went through a rough weekend of panic attacks and antsy boredom. Then this morning I felt “Do I really want to get out of bed?”. I feel like I am in a constant battle with my mind, as I am sure most Bipolar people know. To get a person who does not suffer with this mental illness to understand this is like coming from a foreign land and people not being able to understand your language! The real guilt for me at this moment in time is my pregnancy. Other’s want to know why your not excited and glowing all day. Why with this miracle growing inside of you would you be feeling this way? 

Trust me this BABY is so loved by me! If one even knew that I longed for a baby after the loss of my baby last year. I lost my son at 24 weeks far along. He suffered severe birth defects that took him. Delivering a baby so suddenly ripped my heart so badly I could have died. This little one is my miracle. He is healthy so far. I had dreams of him before he came in. My sadness has nothing to do with my baby. This is Bipolar. This is the cycle. I could win the lottery and dream all my wildest dreams and I would still suffer. Nothing changes this mind. I keep it in me no matter what.

This is my raw moment. I feel compelled to write this sadness. Keeping it locked up keeps it fresh. I always have to find ways to let it go so I can breathe. This is a part of my life. Not enough material said about Bipolar pregnancy. Of course I have read books about Bipolar. None very helpful to me. Ya I might of taken a couple of suggestions like keeping to a routine. Trying to eat healthy, and exercise. Make sure I get my usual sleep pattern to stay the same. That is all out the window now. I eat horrible because I crave nothing but salty and sugar grippped food. I suffer insomnia now tossing and turning not being able to stop the racing thoughts. Exercise? Ya right I can’t even make it up the stairs without my heart racing and feeling out of breath. 

At times like this the only thing to zap my mind into another state of my mind is escape. Change in settings. Living like a gypsy breathing in mountain air, feeling earth beneath me. Sedona Arizona. 2 hours away from me. I feel it calling me. I love this land. You wouldn’t believe. It literally keeps me sane for longer periods of time, then my usual cycles. Does anyone else find this crazy? Does your environment ever feel like a strait jacket? I feel trapped by city life. This really has me thinking of change.

Polar Opposites and Gypsy Dreams

My post today is on a topic that is very personal for me, but this is my therapy session, when I write raw. I have to stay true to this. A little background on my relationship status will give you a better look. I started a new relationship back in June 2014, after the end of a 13 year relationship with the father of our 2 girls. Fast forward to now I am pregnant with our first child by current boyfriend today.

Relationships have always been difficult for me. Weather it be family, friends, but especially my partner relationships. Although I fell very hard for the man in my life right now, I can’t help but shake the feeling that it is lacking in understanding. In his words I am very complicated and he never met anyone like me. Mental illness does not run in his family like it does in mine ( my father and sister are also bipolar). His grasp on a chemical imbalance is something he takes lightly and isn’t something he seeks to know in the case of me. I kept myself locked away sensing he wouldn’t know what to say to me when I become super depressed, and highly manic. I tried educating him on what Bipolar was and wasn’t. But yesterday was highly intense and my patience grew thin as I again tried to inform of how I function. Now I am not trying to make him look like a bad guy. However your loved ones and partner should be people you can count on when it comes to your well being. Ignoring your issues thinking they will just clear up one day isn’t a way to see this.

Can a relationship last when one person is Bipolar? How much time should you give that person to come to terms with what you carry inside? This is different for me. The start of a new relationship is very exciting. I felt an instant draw for this man who I felt was a good match for me. We are now expecting a son and he is coming sooner then I know, April 6, 2017 due date. Of course in magical land I want everything to be fixed before his arrival. But I also know these things take time…but how much time? Very personal subject and I feel strongly about it. Any suggestions comments or maybe struggles you have endured with your partner would be helpful, as I feel a little alone and lost on this subject.

On to a more happy outlook, my love for gypsy living. Found this beautiful camper on pinterest, what can’t you find on there? I adore the carefree life of a nomad woman. It was always my dream to live off a piece of land, grow my own food, and let my kid run around barefoot on the green earth. I guess that’s the hippie in me. I have to admit I am a mix of so many ways of life. If you start following me closely you will see yes an 80’s kid, a gypsy, an artist, a hippie, a rebel, a lover of all things weird. I never put myself away to stick to one thing. I experience, I do, I feel, I run deep, I run wild.

My kids loved me when they were little, mom was an eccentric one! Our homes were always a weird cool sight to see with christmas lights hanging in the living room year round, mad hatter tea parties for no special reason, a kitchen that was always covered in paint bottles and glitter spattered across the floor, waking up to pancakes and depeche mode playing for them to wake up and eat….I miss that. They grow fast. Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday where ever you are. It’s another hot day here in Arizona, 96 today! I can’t take it here in the city anymore. The heat…not a good thing to me. I am going to try to get inspired. I feel I need to revamp my house it’s starting to look typical. It dose not scream me yet:)

Manic Coffee Head

Still drinking coffee, 1 cup a day. I used to drink a pot a day before the little one made a home inside my stomach. Need it love it. I drink it black, iced, no sugar or cream. Rough huh? I pulled through a rough depressed mind yesterday. Today I am inspired. Now to maintain this inspiration and to keep it rolling all day…slowly but surely working on the maternity wardrobe, looked at the studio space upstairs wanted to clean it but got overwhelmed instead, realized I have a pending list of things to do, take another drink of coffee. There’s something about being a crafty artist/bipolar that seems to always go together. I take advantage of the moments when I am on a high. I try to get lots done when I am in my frenzy, because I know it wont last. Add that pregnancy hormone on top of that and I literally feel doomed!

Next topic, I am done with the other one. I love writing, I love connecting with other bipolar women (and men sorry you to), I love crafty art and random coolness. I would like to put all these together to start a club called well you guessed it the “Bipolar Sweetheart Club”

1. To be a member it’s free no fee to join that would be repulsive of me
2.  Gotta be a Bipolar Woman any age welcome
3.  Have a blog as well:)

That’s it as far as I am concerned. Now here is what this little club is about:

1. Support from other Bipolar women as this is important for ourselves to be able to connect with others who do not judge us for being who we are.
2.  This is a friend zone that will give us a chance to express and create that will put a smile on our face when the world around us seems to be falling apart.
3.  Just have fun and feel free, again no judgment of any kind.

Now the best part by being a Bipolar Sweetheart clubber what is it??

1. Are you an artist, writer, crafter, knitter, painter, jewelry maker, diy girl the list goes on those are just off the top of my head, but I am sure you get it:) If so and even if your not but would like to try your hand at any of it to be a member that’s cool to:)

2. What this involves is creating from your heart to give to another Bipolar Sweetheart just to show your support for our own Awareness. This is an exchange of homemade goodies that you will receive in your mailbox, once you are paired with another Bipolar Sweetheart.

3. This is kinda like a pen pal in an artistic form.

I am still working out the details of how this club will operate. If you join you will be randomly paired with another person for each theme. I am working on the first theme and when it will take place. I am also writing this post to see who is interested in becoming a Bipolar Sweetheart. Once I get more responses I will get it done faster.

I am really excited about this. I have been part of some art groups that do an exchange circle of themed art before. I used to do mixed media and vintage stuff. This is a little different though because it’s more of a support then anything. I named it Bipolar Sweetheart club because women especially get a bad rap for even Bipolar. People seem to think we are sometimes heartless and crazy! Do they even know how sweet a person we can be? We are unique and our mental state has nothing to do with the people or personality we truly are. We manage and live with a chemical imbalance.

This can really effect our self esteem ladies are you with me on this one? With all this being said, I will go to work on a theme and time frames. If you have any questions about the Bipolar Sweetheart Club first before you think about signing up, please feel free to comment below and let me know what you think or feel or want more to know and I will keep you posted!

 

Bipolar Pregnancy Me

It is a weird ugly day today. Lot’s of racing thoughts with some anxiety and depression thrown in there. I have been a mental woman since I was 13. No joke. This is a really personal subject for me for years! I denied ever suffering bipolar for the longest time, telling my doctors they were wrong, my family wrong, my relationships with men wrong. Until it led me to a nervous breakdown some 5 years ago. I eventually after the birth of my daughter in 2003, went on the highest dose of zoloft. Took it for 3 years. Then went on a journey experimenting with lots of different antidepressants to see what would work. It’s a long story, a story I hope to one day publish.

Fast forward to now. Pregnant. It’s been a long time since I have been on nothing. My children are now 13 and 9. A surprise pregnancy I am now 34. I am in a world I sometimes do not know?? My doctor knows I went off my meds, even though some are somewhat safe for pregnancy, I myself didn’t want to risk losing this baby. I know this will be my last baby. I am also high risk. I also just found out through blood work that I carry the antibody little c blood factor. Which means my blood type attacks my babies blood type which can lead to him becoming anemic inside of me, Which also means if my blood gets to a dangerous level he could need a blood transfusion through the womb! So far levels are low but still nerve racked!

I just want to smell lavender right now and light candles all around to center me. I look for ways to put me in another zone naturally. It is difficult. This is another reason I started blogging. To express. To connect in hopes of finding other moms who suffer in silence. My days are up they are down. I never know what to expect from myself now a days. Here is my list of stuff I try to use when I am becoming depressed and down.

1. Smell a candle that I love to burn
2. Listen to Depeche Mode (yes)
3. Change rooms in the house placing me in another setting
4. Calling my sister to bitch and vent
5. Try finishing an unfinished art project (I have lots)
6. Leave the house for a bit to ground myself
7. Think about the holiday’s and the cold weather
8. Pray for rain (rain makes me happy, I know weird huh?)
9. Plan Baby boy’s theme ( I am doing a Baby Batman theme)
10.  Bake some shortbread cookies (my favorite)

These are just some. I try to really go out of my way sometimes to get that ugly feeling of anxiety off of me. A very misunderstood illness indeed. Even my guy dose not understand it sometimes. His family is very “Normal” lol ya right what family truly is? I grew up with lots of dysfunction and mental problems from those around me. I am used to it. I have had to learn to live with it, manage it, and still stay centered somehow. It was never easy. 

On a lighter note, the fair is here in Arizona. The weather is like 96 degrees outside! I hate it. It never feels like fall here till November. It has been a couple years since I had last gone to the fair. No rides for pregnant girl here..In the mean time I will go and finish my undone wall of stuff. A loft upstairs that I was planning on making into a studio for me and my sister to use. She is an artist, I am more of a crafter. Ya it’s a disaster up there. Any other mommies with Bipolar and how you deal when pregnant hormones on top of your mental brain chemistry?? We are soldiers women, for the mind control we have to endure while bringing life into this world. Stay true.

Alternative Maternity Clothes

A pregnant Gisele Bundchen walked to a West Village restaurant for lunch.

Pictured: Gisele Bundchen

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Now that I have entered my second trimester, I have a belly going on. I have squeezed into my regular clothes for as long as I could have. But now I face having to find clothes that don’t make me feel stupid. I wont shop at Motherhood Maternity stores, which I find not in my taste, and kinda pricey for something I wont wear long. I found some ideas, and found these girls looking totally cute in clothes that seem to be not maternity. Very Lucky girls. I am already busting at the seams in my clothes!

So I have decided to take matters into my own hands, and create my own personal maternity clothes wardrobe! Ahhh I am kinda scared, which I find funny since I have always not cared what others think about me when it comes to my choice in clothes. I guess cause I am a pregnant woman now, and don’t want to look to trashy while sporting anything that looks a little too much;) This will be a little challenge, but I think I will make it work.

Ok, look what I found yesterday! Depeche Mode baby clothes for my boy! He will have these. I love how you can find anything online. Another project in the making is finding and making a lot of unique cool baby things. I have 2 daughters, this is my first boy. I find this very different. I remember thinking back then that boys would be hard to find things for. Now I can honestly say I am having fun looking for boy things that aren’t to lame.

So is anyone ready for October 31st? I plan on chilling at home with my guy and sisters, and pig out on candy and watch the old classics! What’s your fav 80’s horror movie? Like I have said I am an 80’s kid living in 2016 lol. Can you say living in a time warp? Ok but I’m not freakishly weird wearing feathered hair and wearing outdated clothes. Well I gotta go get my blood drawn yuck…try being a hard stick , I swear that’s what the nurse tells me when she can’t find a vein. Sounds naughty hehehe. Keep checking back! I am going to show you a couple diy’s soon. I want to revamp and show some maternity for the non traditional pregnant mommies! Coming Soon:))

Depeche Mode and baby bumps

 

I’m starting my first blog post with my love for Depeche Mode, and my opening of stated pregnancy. This is weird and random, but who cares it’s my post so anything goes. Believe it or not these 2 things so together. I’m an 80’s kid and still am today. When I’m feeling happy, sad, mad , pregnant I listen to depeche mode. It is part of my day. Also hoping baby is also a fan of their music. I BELIEVE he will be.

I really wanted to start a blog to express pent up inspiration I have kept under wraps since the pregnancy. This little stinker gave me the worst case of nausea in the first trimester. I am barely coming back from the dead at 15 weeks. I thought how cool would it be to connect with other alternative type moms who are looking for a different outlet. Trust me I have had my fair share of lame pregnancy sites that target your average pregnancy and mom types. I have not found one I could truly connect with. I say this because I am a high risk pregnancy, and this is my 3rd pregnancy. I have been there done that, and I am getting tired of reading the same old baby books. Don’t get me wrong, to each her own, but I feel I have gown from same and same again.

I am hoping to start some new trends or at least find something that excites me this time around. I like sharing diy projects, (since I like hand making what I can’t find), my love for makeup and vanity, random writings and feel good art. When  I am not sharing that, I am expressing my lifetime battle with depression and managing its effects.

I tell you now, my blog may not be a bed of roses all the time. But at least it’s me staying true to who I am. Here’s to all the moms who feel unique<3, oh and to my sister who might be reading this who is a cat parent with no kids, but who inspires me anyway.